Unforeseen Consequences
by Antipathy
Summary: One of the downsides to having a girl live in your closet is the possibility of someone finding some horribly incriminating evidence. One-shot!


**So I was curled up in bed last night when this story came to me, and the next day I transcribed it from brain to paper. Hopefully it came out half as well as I visualized. Enjoy :3**

**Bleach isn't mine.**

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Ichigo was drifting in and out of consciousness as he noted, in a detached sort of way, his body naturally preparing itself. Over the years his reactions had evolved and shaped themselves to survive the morning. Or, not the morning—more precisely, the ape sheathed in human hide that called itself Kurosaki Isshin, accompanying dawn, dusk and every other annoying aspect of his life.

Screw alarm clocks—he had a living, breathing, jump-fly-kicking father to fill in that role.

As the morning waned, however, and the anticipated wailing of his father as he sailed in through his open window did not appear, unease stirred his dreams. He didn't get stuck in a tree again, did he? If he had to call the fire department one more time—

"Ichigo."

That single word kicked his defensive reflexes into full gear as he sprang out from under the covers, fists in front, eyes darting around for the source of danger. A slight stirring in the corner of his vision sent him whirling around to face his adversary.

Isshin was propped up on his closet shelf, door ajar, one arm thrown casually across his knee. An utterly relaxed posture save for his sober expression. Ichigo loosened slightly when he realized he wasn't under immediate attack.

And that's when he remembered how he had been addressed: that solemn, softly-intoned word loaded with serious problems sure to come. Dread washed over him.

He saw what his father held. His heart plummeted to his knees.

A ridiculously frilly bra hung loosely entwined around his father's fingers, the black fabric so fine and sheer that it was nearly insubstantial. The voluminous edging took up most of the garment's surface area, pocked and riddled with holes at that. Ichigo's knees weakened. Rukia...

He wrenched is eyes away from the thing and back to Isshin's face. "What the hell are you doing with that, Dad? Some new obsession of yours? Women's clothes?" His voice took on a nervous high. If it ever got to his father that a girl slept in his closet...

Isshin, of course, had known from the beginning of his son's involvement with the shinigami; he figured he may as well make the most of the situation. Grinning broadly on the inside as he maintained his careful facade, he gestured towards the bra. "Don't be ridiculous, son, I have better taste than that. More importantly, though," he said, his eyes gleaming, "what was it doing in your closet?"

Ichigo gulped. "My—my closet? Maybe Yuzu left it in there when she was cleaning, or Karin as a practical joke—"

Isshin slammed his open palm against the closet door. Ichigo jumped. "Do you think I would let my beautiful daughters buy such frivolous clothing?" he roared. "It's obviously yours, Ichigo, and I want an explanation!"

Ichigo slumped on the bed, trembling, his eyes glued to the incriminating evidence of his shinigami guest. Isshin was enjoying himself immensely.

"I—" he started. Isshin waited expectantly.

"Yes, Dad," he said in a very small voice, "I'm a cross dresser who enjoys putting on women's clothing and parading in front of the mirror. I've had aspirations of transferring to America and becoming a super model for Victoria's Secret ever since the fifth grade. I'm also going to elope, live in an RV and farm marijuana."

Isshin nodded solemnly as he hooted with laughter inside. He reached forward and clapped his son on the shoulder. "Don't worry. I'm not ashamed of you, son, just don't hide it any more."

Ichigo just stared down at his feet. He could already feel his fingers twitching, envisioning that perfect white neck trapped between them—

"Well," sounded Isshin, startling Ichigo, "I think I'll give you your privacy from now on. It's a terrible crime for a parent to obstruct his child's dreams." He winked at him before sauntering out the open doorway.

Ichigo just sat on the bed, staring at the open window and counting the seconds until Rukia got home.

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**I had so much fun writing that. Reviews are always appreciated!**


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